Johnny's 10 - Jazz Frontin' 101

I'm back. Did y'all miss me (collective response from those ACTUALLY readin' this: uh, nigguhno, who are you? the only reason i'm reading this is as a favor to my fav blogger mr. tickle) You know what? that's all good. I got two words in response - B.J. Armstrong. Huh? What...you mean to tell me you don't know who bj is? Well, I'll tell you. He was a subpar point guard in the nba. He didn't have great court vision; he didn't make great decisions. Hell, he didn't even handle POINT GUARD responsibilities (the small forward did), so why do i mention his scrubby ass? 'cause his ONLY saving grace (well, some guls thought he was cute) was that he played with Michael Jordan. Even though he was a garbage point guard, every once in a while he would be WIDE open. And you know what? he hit a coupla shots, man, he hit a coupla shots. Matter of fact, he even was an all-star one year. So...

Movin' on, I'm hoping that this will be my first of a weekly segment where I give a list of ten somethings music-related. I hope its entertainin' or, at the very least, useful/ thought provokin'/ argument inducin'...whatever. Here we go.

So you in da club...wait a minute, we're grown-ups now, lemme start over. Okay, so you at a set, and that bomb dude/ chick has been eyeing you all night. Being that you don't have an in (another cryptic term that Mista Muthafuckin' will elaborate on later, I'm sure), you finally work up the nerve to handle your bidness. So you go over to her/him, and damn it's like the movies. I mean urthing is going well. I mean bomb person is feelin' your vibe, your smile, the whole nine.

Then the conversation takes a turn for the worse, and you don't even recongize it yet. Dreamgirl/guy asks you "what kind of music do you listen to?" Why does this question always come up? Shit, I don't know, but it does. But for some reason, this question can compel really smart and rational people to utter really irrational and unjustifiable shit in response, all with the hopes of keeping the vibe good. My first piece of advice? Nigga, don't lie. You don already made a good impression, otherwise y'all still wouldn't be talking. Just be easy and continue being you. But for all you negroes out there that are just intent on sounding more cultured than you are and blurt out "Jazz" in response to said question, I wanna give y'all a coupla gems so the one that you would take home to momma don't figure out that you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Before I go any further, I would like to say that I don't condone the practice of frontin'. I'm doing this because I recognize that one of life's little ironies is that with the people we're trying to impress the most, we get called on our bullshit. (True story: When I met my girl and I told her that I liked Ella Fitzgerald, she asked me "really, which songs in particular", no lie). Even though I wasn't lying when it happened to me, I can appreciate the pressure of trying to mantain that goodness flowing between y'all. Think of this list as a reference guide, not a cheat shit. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT repeat word for word the stuff that I say. I mean cause pt. 1: this catch is presumably smart, so they'll know if your shit ain't flowing right (bad pun intended) and pt. 2: these are really truncated summaries, so if you get into an intense discussion with a jazz buff, their knowledge is far beyond the little crap here. Before you start reading, I recognize that this one is long. I tried to be as spartan as i possibly could with the descriptions, but if you need to take a break and come back, i understand...don't wanna bore nobody. So without further rambling.

10 Go-To Albums To Sound Like You Know Something 'Bout Jazz

1) Miles Davis - Round About Midnight
This is a really solid album, and a great introduction to West Coast Jazz (basically chill shit). Without gettin' into too much detail, it's a mood album. The thematic setup here is reflection. The Thelonius Monk-borrowed title track kinda sums up the whole album, somber and pensive. The solos are really restrained and chill, instead of complicated and dissonant, like you get often in bop.

Why this album? That's a simple one to answer. So that when the catch rolls his or her eyes when you throw out Miles Davis, you can counter with an album that's not Kind of Blue, Birth of the Cool or Sketches Bitches Brew (Please Note: even if you don't remember the album i said, ure better off makin'up some shit up than naming one of these, plus Bitches Brew sucks, or maybe I'm just not smart enough to get it.)

2) Duke Ellington - Money Jungle
Reknown as the premier big band leader, Duke's star had begun to fade in the late 50s. In an effort to reestablish himself, Duke decided to record a trio, sans horns, with two pretty notable modernist, Charles Mingus (Bass) and Max Roach (Drummer). Relying primarily on aggressive soloing and improvising, this is a pretty torrid set. It's worth listening to just to hear Duke break from the norm of the very accessible, swinging big band sound.

Why this album? For the exact reason that Duke decided to do it. Most people familiar with the Ellington Catalogue know the big ambitious albums, like Black, Brown and Beige. They don't know the intimate joints like this, where Duke kinda stepped outside of his vaunted image. Hopefully, this can work to your advantage in a conversation.

3) Cannonball Adderly - Somethin' Else
Julian 'Cannonball' (I know what you thinking...that's a cool nickname right?) Adderly made a classic album, perhaps one of the most flawless, least recognized outside of the jazz world. Why is his perfect album so special when there are so many landmark albums? Because Cannonball, unlike Mr. Davis, Mr. Parker or Mr. Coletrane wasn't overly concerned with his overarching impact. I mean not to disrespect the legends, but they spent a great deal of their waking hours thinking about their legacy, their imprimatur of greatness. Cannonball is like I would like to think of myself. He was cool, unassuming, easy to be around and highly regarded by those that knew what he did. His perfection was effortless, and despite the fact that both Coltrane AND Miles were featured on this joint, they never stole the spotlight from the cat on the alto sax. It's not bop and it's not cool jazz; it's just good, real good.

Why this album? Because if you're talking to a big time jazz person, they gonna love you for knowin' this one. If not, then it's just another cool name to know if you're looking to expose yourself to more.

4) Bobby Timmons - This here is Bobby Timmons
An alumnus of Art Blakely's famed Jazz Messengers, this bop pianist made a tirelessly funky album that was a departure from all of his intense bop stuff and a precursor to the even more smoothed out stuff of Roy Ayers and Grover Washington that was to come. Check out the song, 'Moanin'...it's bangin.

Why this album? This is another album that the jazz enthusiast will love, if they know about it. I'm not sayin' that I know so much myself, but I really make efforts to get off the beaten path. This one's a keeper, not a classic, but I love it.

5) Chet Baker - The Touch of Your Lips
This is like Eminem on the trumpet. Invision the most stereotypic image of a white jazz musician. That image in your mine is what Chet looked like. He was like Brad Pitt to them white folk that followed jazz. I mean, dude was brilliant, well-versed with the greats, and intent on making his presence felt. Similar to Miles Davis, his greatness wasn't in virtuosic improvisin and compin; it was in quiet restrained melodies and chill shit. Along with Miles, he's credited as one of the purveyors of of West Coast, or Cool Jazz. His singing was unsuprisingly like his horn playing - quiet, retrained and intimate. Later in life, that pipe got the best of him and he went from good looking to looking like fire marshall bill, i mean dude even lost his damn front teeth to that china white heron - real ugly. (D'Angelo: ARE YOU LISTENING?)

Why this album? Cause its different. Chet experimented with all types of setups and this one leaves out the drummer. It's interesting and chill, even if sometimes longwinded without somebody time-keepin'.

6) John Coltrane - Ballads
I couldn't give yall a list without throwin' the Trane up on it. Now, I know if yall don heard A Love Supreme or Giant Steps, yall thinking about that playing every possible note, every chord on every scale in the solo, but this album ain't that. At the time, Coltrane was having articulation problems (his teeth were kinda jacked...i can't remember why, but it was affecting his scaling), so he put out this album of what? Yeah, balads. And it's as chill as chill gets. It's accessible and real mood setting. Throw this one on when you get that dime to the Marcus Graham or Jacqueline Broyer bachelor pad.

Why this Album? I already told you. It's cool, it's approachable, and it's a good introduction to Coltrane, even if it ain't reflective of what he's known for overall.

7) Wes Montgomery - Incredible Jazz Guitar
Wes Montgomery. What can I say? I like him alot. Jazz purists aren't really high on guitarist; I guess because they feel that their improvising, in its strides, borrow heavily from saxophones, but I think it's just something cool about the sound. This album isn't regarded as remarkable, particularly b/c the traditionalists turn their noses up at Montgomery's style of playing, which has been deemed pedestrian in its simplicity. Check out "West Coast Blues".

Why this Album? B/c I like it, and I think that there's plenty redeemable stuff about jazz guitar w/o having to rely solely on George Benson's soul jazz medleys.

8) Dorothy Ashby - In A Minor Groove
Shit, this chic is bad. So what you haven't heard of a JAZZ HARPIST? So what the Jazz World thought you had a play-play instument debased for being a pretentious guitar. This chic is the bomb, and yes, it's a stringed instrument, but it sounds notably different than a guitar. I won't get into the complexities, but this album is really straight and since folks were trash talkin, why not play with another unorthodox instrument; her main collaborator on most of the cuts here is the underrated Frank Weiss, a jazz flutist. Yeah, get on it.

Why this Album? cause it's hot, and she does her damn thing.

9) Donald Byrd - Blackbyrd
It was hard to decide which fusionist to go with; I mean Miles, Roy Ayers, Grover Washington, Bob James, George Benson...the list is pretty extensive. I think I chose Donald Byrd because he was yet another alunmus of them bop playin' Jazz Messengers and the fact that Blackbyrd is just a cool album. I mean it's really light on the jazz and heavy on the soul, but it's good stuff. Even though his improvisin' skills were fastly diminishing, he knew how to surround himself with folks that could mask it real well and make appealing music at the same time.

Why this Album? There's a pretty big schism in Jazz thought. Many are apt to write off the innovations of the 70s as an embarassment to the artform. Instead of concentrating on chord changes like in bop or modes like in alot of the recognized Miles Davis stuff, these artists were considered to be making soul albums without vocalists and merely calling it jazz. But I think that everything has it's place, and this music is fun and it led to some of the expansion of these instruments into many other art forms, notably hip hop.

10) Roy Hargrove - The RH Factor: Hard Groove
And you thought he was just a session instrumentalist for your favorite r&b artist (let's ban the term 'neo-soul' yall). Yes, he has had a hand in the most revered soul albums in the last 10 years (yeah, brown sugar came out in '95), but he's a jazz head first. Now, his straight ahead stuff has been knocked for kinda the same reasons that folks be talkin' shit about Wynton Marsailas, in a sense that he's so conservative and his strict orthodoxy kills the creativity of the music. As a result, the straight jazz stuff has been unremarkable, albeit technically sound. This album is anything but straight ahead. It's the successful hiphop/soul/jazz amalgam that Wynton's big bro Bradford was trying to perfect with the Buckshot LeFonque albums but falling short. Roy has enlisted all of those that's he's helped with excellent results. D'angelo comes in and drops what's basically chicken grease part 2, but ultimately its Anthony Hamilton that steals the show with his evocative vocals on kwah/home

Why this album? 'cause with all the aforementioned fossils, you need some that's current. And negro if you tell somebody you like kenny g or najee and I'll jump through this computer and brush you off at the bar myself, you won't even after worry about the dimepiece.

That's it...no witty conclusions (I have none). I hope this was cool; it'll get shorter in the future.

Next week's 10: The Best Love Songs EVER (yeah, I feel the heat already). I hope this helps yall live "Nappily Ever After" (the working title of the Halle Berry joint that she turned down the role w/ Will Smith in "Hitch" to do...seriously, look it up.)

Album Review: Green Day - American Idiot (4 out of 5 pimp slaps)

The concept album...it’s a nice concept, but few artists attempt it, let alone pull it off successfully.

Green Day gives it a shot with American Idiot, their commentary on life as a member of Generation X in the Bush Administration.

The title track opens the album and is basically a nice, short, and sweet fuck you to Fox News, MTV, and any other media outlet trying to get control of our minds and wallets. Ironically, it’s the song that you’ve probably heard a ton on MTV, the lead single.

The next track Jesus of Suburbia is actually about 5 songs in one. A made for concert medley. If you are decent at reading between the lines in song titles, you pretty much get the point of this song. Teen angst is the order of the day, with every little subpart of this song being a shout out to teens from broken homes, with “moms and brads”, and no faith in anything; letting them know that someone out there feels their pain.

Holiday is a new age protest song. It’s kind of a coming of age for young republicans who realize that maybe they aren’t republican after all. Boulevard of Broken Dreams talks about the alienation that the above mentioned kind of realization leads to.

Musically, Are We Waiting changes things up a bit. The aforementioned songs were all hard driving songs with lots of heavy guitar and drums. Are We Waiting slows it up a bit, but the message generally stays the same, a nation of young people waiting on their purpose.

And then along comes St. Jimmy, who’s here to save those that need to be saved.

I'm the patron saint of denial with an angel face.
And a taste for suicidal
Cigarettes and ramen and a little bag of dope.

I am the son of a bitch and Edgar Allan Poe.
Raised in the city under a halo of lights.
The product of war and fear that we've been victimized…

…Welcome to the club and give me some blood.
I'm the resident leader of the lost and found
It's comedy and tragedy.
It's St. Jimmy AND THAT'S MY NAME DON'T WEAR IT OUT.

Give Me Novacaine is the response to St. Jimmy, asking Jimmy for just that, some relief from the reality of today. Of course in the struggle you need a woman by your side, and She’s A Rebel introduces her. Extraordinary Girl extols her patience at dealing with the purposeless guys of today, willing to stand by his side in spite of his immaturity and the fact that she’s “sick of crying”.

Letterbomb probably would have fit better in my opinion earlier in the album, it’s more of the same anarchist leaning. Nothing to care for, nothing to take with you, no purpose; it all just seems a bit out of place.

Wake Me Up When September Ends is probably the best song on the album. With September being a metaphor for a period of time that just plain out sucks and doesn’t seem to want to end, the song itself plays out like a rock ballad.

The album ends like it started, with another medley of songs, this time entitled Homecoming. It starts with the suicide of St. Jimmy, leaving us back where we started. And guess what? No one cares! And they are still alienated. And the album comes full circle as they come home again.

And in the last song, Whatsername, even the girl is forgotten, or at least vaguely remembered. It’s like a wistful look back at a past full of angst and anger with a sort of “whatever” nonchalance.

All in all, the album does a good job as a journey into the psyche of today’s (still) confused Gen-Xers and the youth that have taken a crash course in the ways of Gen-Xers, living in Bush’s America. The concept is well done. A few of the songs “sound the same”, but with this album it’s more about the message than anything else. If you are a fan of Alternative Rock or just like to diversify your musical selections, it’s a good purchase. It’s a pretty good introduction to Green Day. (4 pimp slaps out of 5)

Album Review: John Legend-Get Lifted (3.5/5 Pimpslaps)

"Come on and gooooooooooo with me/there's something new for you to see...."

Those words are the beginning of the intro to John Legend's debut album, Get Lifted. It's amazing the irony in those words considering how every critic is touting him as bringing something so new to the table...

...when really, its the same cold hamurger, fries, and red Kool-aid that you had yesterday.

I wasn't going to review this album, but a magazine that I respect, VIBE, (and quite possibly may never be able to work/write for after this) had the nerve to not only call this mediocre ass album a classic...they had the nerve to only give a short short explanation as to why it is a classic album. Quite frankly, I'm hurt and slightly pissed.

[***DISCLAIMER: What I'm about to say may seem harsh. Well, its intended that way, bitch, because I believe its important to drive the point home on this. This may hurt your feelings, and you may feel compelled to jump out of a window and kill yourself. If that is the case, well that's just too got damn bad isn't it. Kiss my ass, man up, and calm the fuck down...you know what I'm about to say is true!***]

John Legend basically released Carl Thomas' third solo CD.

*gasp*

I know, I know...it hurts. You can go ahead and take a second to recuperate. I myself need a few minutes.

*smoke break*

You know, John Legend is being hailed as the male version of Alicia Keys. I don't think thats fair. Legend's CD is actually listenable all the way through whereas Alicia Keys albums fuckin' suck and I usually have to take breaks to stop myself from attempting suicide because I spent another gotdamn $11.99 on her. The only real comparison comes in the fact that they both play piano. This brings about a question...if his album and talent are so great, why not compare him to somebody like say...D'Angelo, or Maxwell, or one of the "greats". I mean he made a classic album right???? So what's the problem with making those comparisons???

That's easy. They wouldn't hold water. Carl Thomas is the most appropriate comparison here.

Once again, I know it hurts.

You want proof? Let's talk proof. Is this a good ALBUM??? Yes and no. Yes musically, but conceptually it is lacking something and it is also lacking consistent thought. See, this album has the same problem that Carl Thomas albums have. He hasn't quite figured out how to grab both the young urban youths that like Lil Wayne and the old heads that prefer Stevie Wonder on the same song, though Carl Thomas is BETTER at it than John Legend. Now one might say that it can't be done. To that I say, pish tosh. He has done it on this album on a few songs. For instance, "She Don't Have to Know" straddles the line between urban and contemporary like Halle Berry over Billy Bob Thornton in Monster's Ball.

*shudder*

This is as good a time as anywhere to bring this up. The music on this album is good on damn near every song. Or G.O.O.D., rather. I mean, Kanye is backing this cat. And no matter your personal feelings about Kanye, the dude knows good music, and he knows how to create good music. At this point, I don't think he's going to put his name onto anything that is garbage. With that in mind, the problem doesn't tend to be on the actual music/beat side. It's more the songwriting and the inconsistency in the way he tries to reach all the audiences. Basically, he fuckin' sucks at it. I see you looking at me like, what the hell are you talking about??

Well, take "Number One" for instance. Is the music on this song good? Hell yeah. It's great picnic music until you listen to the words and realize this dude is basically trying to explain to his girl that its hard work to cheat on his girl, but she shouldn't leave him for that. I mean, really, she's his number one bitch. She CAN'T leave after hearing that, can she???? How can she throw it all away, I mean, he won't do it again...he said it last time that this is the last time...but no more!!! She's his number one bitch! Umm...John can I ask you a question??? I've seen you duke....this aint you, is it, homie? Kanye, yes...but John. No. That's the problem with this song, and say a song like, "Alright", they get the Kanye treatment. They are chock full of Kanye-type lyrics, just in R&B form. They just aren't believable from a guy who not only looks like Mighty Mouse, but has songs like "Stay With You" who professes how much he loves his woman and will do to make sure she knows he's there for her...a much more sincere sounding track.

You know, now that I think about it, apparently John Legend is a bit of a jackass. So maybe Kanye was on to something. There seems to be a strange undertone on this album. One of cheating ("She Don't Have to Know", "Number One", "Alright"). And then convincing you that he's done cheating ("Stay With You", "I Can Change"). Apparently, Mr. Legend has a problem keeping his peder in his pants.

Of course, if you only listen to the more contemporary songs like "Refuge", "Ordinary People (which is getting its own section)", or "It Don't Have to Change", or "Live It Up", you'd hear the songs that make you wonder where the street oriented songs like "Number One" come from. These songs seem to be geared more to the folks you'd expect to buy this album. Wait, who's that??? You know the 20-30 somethings that like good music and don't want to hear about all that "Bump Bump Bump" or what's going on at the hotel. The folks that just want to hear non-rap related music that basically has some kind of meaning. And I'm not saying that it isn't possible to do both...the problem is, they seem to butt heads on this album. The song's where he's shooting for Lil Wayne fans seem a little forced and don't seem like John Legend at all. Once again, they seem like Kanye was preparing songs for his rap album and said, forget it...let's make these R&B songs. Basically, if Kanye was singing them it would make clear and perfect sense...but he's not...so they are a gotdamn mess.

And worse than that...nothing is even new. He's talking about the same shit everybody else has talked about. Same shit, different album.

I see you looking at me like, "Well if its good music, what does it matter if its inconsistent or isn't treading new ground?? Hell Tupac was a walking contradiction."

Hmm...good point. But not good enough bitch and I didn't rate the gotdamn album a classic. Tupac was a rapper who was very confused about himself sometimes, and yet very sure of himself at other times. In short, art reflected life in the fact that Tupac would take 15 minutes and write a song. John Legend has been working on these songs for a while. Which means that his end product is exactly how he wanted it...which means that he's trying to make these songs as opposed to the natural confict that Tupac was putting down in his music in 15 minutes. What does that mean??? Tupac real and honest...John Legend contrived on those songs where he's trying to reach the "urban" audience.

So how the hell is this album a classic??? Is it a good album??? Yes, but it has it's problems through and through. And hell it isn't even that memorable. I myself can't remember what songs 10-14 sound like after the album goes off. So why is this album a classic then??? Well, the reason its being called a classic lies right here...the song...

"Ordinary People."

Yes, one song is the reason why this album is being touted as a classic as opposed to the 3rd album by Carl Thomas.

[***Sidenote: Carl Thomas, as opposed to John Legend, has a problem making his meaningful songs sound, real. I mean really, wasn't "Emotional" the most pussy song you've ever heard in life??? You almost hope that it wasn't really Carl and that some pussy ass negro crawled up inside him and wrote that song hoping that chicks would love it. "Sensitivity" it wasn't. Awww shuga noooo nooo nooooo....***]

One got damn song is the reason this album is being hailed. Newsflash bitches. One song does not a classic make! Is this a great song...hell yes. One of the best songs I've heard in years. It's the perfect mesh of piano and vocal arrangement with excellent songwriting. Its kind of a bare soul intimate performance piece where Legend explains how nobody's perfect. It's perfect in its simplicity the way that acoustic guitar performances seem perfect. It is in short...

...a classic song. People might be talking about this song 10 years from now. Nobody will be talking about this album the way they'll be talking about Jodeci's Diary of a Mad Band album, or D'Angelo's Brown Sugar, or even Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite.

They'll talk about that song. And that my friends, is why this album isn't a classic...but just a good album.

You may die now.

Album Review: The Game - The Documentary

Discourse this morning with Panama Muthafuckin', editor in chief and HNIC at my mama's music:

LNU (for the unititiated "little negro underling"): The Game Review ain't ready yet.

HNIC: What do you mean it ain't ready, nigga i'ma whup yo ass.

LNU: Man, I know 'bout your discriminating taste (who ain't a fan of Jackson G. Tickle), and I'm just tryin' to meet your standards

HNIC: Negro, fuck your compliments, get my review done. You bitchin' up. Don't be no punk, if you gonna say it then say it.

so without further ado...

The Documentary.

Jayceon Taylor has arrived. The Documentary is a certified classic, a 5 mic album (yeah, I know we don't read the source, but it'll do until we come up w/ some different). I'll let y'all marinate on that one for a minute. Yeah, I said it; it's classic. Vibe Magazine, Rolling Stone, Spin, hell, Entertainment Weekly, you name it, they've said, all hailing Mr. Taylor the west coast savior, the man to resurrect your interest, not in the left coast (for all y'all pharcyde, dilated peoples and weird del the funky homosapien fans), but the W E S T. This man is supposed to resurrect the homages to pimped out 64s, sunshine, gang bangin, crip walkin', set trippin', juice and ginnin', khaki suits, chuck taylors, and jheri curls (well, not quite that far, but you get the point)

Does he do it? Does he live up to the LeBron-sized hype? Does he bring back the West? Yes and No. But before I get to his cd, we gotta examine this whole fve mic thing for a minute. Why is hip hop culture so afraid of awarding the classic status to today's albums? It's a simple answer really. Rap is shit today. I mean, whereas it used to be about integrity and presenting your environment, warts and all, it has become a corporate wasteland of 'artists' that we shouldn't be listening to, but bang our collective heads like crazy to when their crap comes on in the club. With the attenuation of value and the onslaught of cookie cutter, pop rappers, it isn't rocket science why we're so scared to elevate an album to legendary status amidst an inundating flow of music excrement. (Damn, that was a lot right?) Backpackers complain about commercialism, but succumb to the same steretypic ideals that the media feeds off by labeling anything that's commercially viable as sellout music. Further, relying on the strength of previously released material, they'll excuse their legends for dropping shit albums because they still want something to believe in, something that they can tell all of their elitist friends is vestiges of when music was still good.

And now to Chuck Taylor. Yes, he saves the west, but not the way that some were hoping for him to. While deciding what I was gonna write about this album, I scanned some stuff that people have been saying for inspiration. Some West Coast loyalist were deriding the album, saying that if it were truly a west coast album, then it wouldn't be choc-full of east coast and midwest producers (Hi-Tek, Kanye, Just Blaze, Timberland, etc.) There is some validity to that argument, but the Game doesn't save the west by making revisionist music. This is very much a 2005 album. He saves the West because he makes its stories relevant again.

What The Game does is plain and simple. He tells his story, his whole story, devioid of any lapses, as articulately and effortlessly as any of those that have come before him. From the outset, "Westside Story" abrasively reintroduces us to the West Coast that we all remember, but, wait a minute, there's something different. What is it? It's the flow, son, it's the flow. The Game's rhyme structuring is as intricate as most East Coast rappers that are out there. (For those seeking further evidence of his complexity, take a listen to the track off of the Alchemist's joint featuring Prodigy and Game). Does that mean better? No, it doesn't. He isn't the first one either; Exhibit, Chino XL and Ras Kas have all been recognized for the same rhyme display, but what makes the Game so markably different is the hard core/ NWA/ Ice Cube frame of reference from which he draws his stories.

The halmark of a classic album isn't recognition of the artist's forward potential and talent (Panama, please tell us about the John Legend reviews), it's the strength of its tracks. Like it or not, a rapper is only as good as the soundscapes upon which he crafts his message, and The Game has enlisted a bevy of producers to give him the updated sound perfectly complimenting his raspy, well-crafted lyrics.

Without delving into each of the songs, suffice it to say that the entire album, with exception to like two or three, isn't merely listenable, it's enjoyable. From the 100 miles and runnin' feel of "No More Fun and Games", to the Al Green-inspired funk of "Hate It or Love It" (please beware of the insanely in-the-beat flow of 50 cent on the first verse-big ups to Panama again), the Game delivers an impressively varied display, with equal parts lyrical acuity and gully-ness. He transitions from unapologetic accounts of gang banging on tracks like "Church For Thugs" to exceptional rhyme demonstrations, such as the borrowing of Eminem's flow on "We ain't". The album gives deference to all things west coast, from the laid back Doggystyle/ DJ Quick vibe of "Where I'm From" (you can't have a West Coast song with out the inimitable Nate Dogg) to the Chronic/ Parliament Funk sounding "Runnin". On the album's closer, "Like Father, Like Son", the Game delivers the most contemplative, emotive thug joint since Pac's "Dear Mama", elaborating on the birth of his child, his fears of fatherhood and the values that he hopes to instill.

The Documentary is compelling music; the album's title track appropriately frames its strength. The Game is not your big brother's west coast rapper. Just as his lyrics on "The Documentary" and throughout the album suggest, The Game is a product of his environment, the most visceral of hip hop emcees, seamlessly blending westcoast sensibilities, east coast rhyme display and total hip hop reverence.

Album Review: Destiny's Child-Destiny Fulfilled (4.5/5 Pimpslaps)

(first printed on Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises corporate site on 11/8/2004)

In my quest at discussing things, at length, that sometimes only interest me, I've gotten away from what I love most, criticizing music. You see, I'm an avid music lover. I buy lots of music, even gained a reputation amongst my peers as being that dude that would buy anything. I would just buy a CD because the store had it at one point. Really, nothing lights up the room like being the one grown black man who actually purchased Hillary Duff's solo offering...

*horrified and blank stares from audience*

Okay, okay...I'm joking!

(I'm really not joking.)

*hanging head in shame*

Anyway...back to the point of this discussion. I was fortunate to come up on Destiny's Child's new soon to be released (11/15/2004) CD, Destiny Fulfilled, yesterday from a friend of mine who dabbles in unreleased new music. She is able to get it like nobody's business. Music that is. Shall we begin?? Yes, let's.

Can they do it again? Will people still care about them? Can Kelly and Michelle hang with Beyonce?? Is this really ANOTHER Beyonce solo album? How exactly did the Eagles get trounced by the Steelers yesterday? Ooops, sorry, wrong post. Are there any just standout tracks? Where is the Honeycomb Hideout?? Why am I asking so many questions? Do I even know?? Do I? Do I?

Okay, first things first. The album is just damn good. Period. From beginning to end. These girls can harmonize their like nobody's business. The vocal arrangements are incredible. Beyonce has one of the strongest voices I've heard in a long time, and Christina Aguilera can go to hell. Kelly Rowland sounds a lot like Beyonce, but can still sing well. I will get to Michelle later, because yes, she deserves her own section. This isn't just another Beyonce offering as all of the women get their time to shine.

Those are the basics...now to the nitty gritty. The tracks on this album are amazing to say the least. And since there are only eleven, and a bonus track, I can pretty much go song for song, but I'll probably skip a few.

[***Sidenote: Have you ever wondered why they offer bonus tracks and then label them joints bonus tracks? Like why isn't it just song number 12. Who thought this was a good idea? You don't have to skip through a song to hear it or wait through 4 minutes of nothing to get to it...it's just song number 12! Big Mat Dog AKA Matthew Knowles...really, what's the point??***]

As the nation has heard thus far, "Lose My Breath" is the first single. And its amazing. If you don't like this song you are a hater and should light yourself on fire in a shower while listening to RuPaul's greatest hits and smoking a cyanide laced cigarette. High school and college bands across the nation have fallen in love with this percussion heavy track. It is just good. Period. Point blank. "Soldier," is the next single and though I pretty much think the beat is some pure and utter biship, the girls singing over it make it that much better. It's also the song where she outs that her and Jay-Z are dating with a subliminal message about a soldier from BK. So just in case you were living under a rock for the last 2 years, she gives you something to NOW think about. It features the guest spots of T.I. and Lil' Wayne to give it the southern feel. Oh yeah, this song is ghetto, like, they're even talking about chiefin' (smoking weed) in the song. Da hell???

This is a good time to bring this up. These women's voices are incredible together, but Beyonce makes every song she sings on BETTER. Like it might be a good song before, but her voice makes shit great. Resistance is futile. You can hate if you want, but her voice is just great...smack your mama great. Like really, if I meet anybody who tells me that she can't sing, I think I reserve the right to slap the hell out of said person. Who are they kidding? I mean really...

She's fine too. Just in case you were wondering.

In further proof, that all three of them are whipped or sprung on somebody, the song "Cater 2 U" is next on the menu. And you don't need to be smart to understand what they are talking about. It's self explanatory, but the music is just great on this song. According to MTV.com, its produced by either Rodney Jerkins or Rich Harrison (they confused me so I'm not sure who produced it). Either way...its great. Then comes the T-shirt klepto inducing song of the new year, "T-Shirt" about what the women do in their man's t-shirts. Fellas, be on the lookout, your T-Shirts will be stolen, REPEAT, will be stolen so your chick can sleep, smile, love, bathe, cook, drive...in your T-shirt.

Next up we have the songs "Is She The Reason" and "Girl" courtesy of underground rap turned mainstream producer du jour, 9th Wonder (Little Brother, Jay-Z's "Threat"). Never has one man benefited so much from knowing the man dating Beyonce. He got not one, but TWO songs on this guaranteed to be platinum album. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a come-up. Both of these songs are laid back soul-sample songs, and just undeniably good. Kind of feel good type of songs, even though the first one is talking about cheating or losing your man. But feel-good nontheless.

Because I'm losing my patience...let me get to the three best songs on the album in my opinion. Mother May I??? The song "If" is just good (though it kind of sounds like its missing something, but I'm okay with that). I mean, when it first came on, I couldn't do anything but (gay moment of the day coming...NOW)...smile. It has the same underlying melody as Lloyd Banks, "Karma", except since this is a woman's group singing it, its not gay. It's just great. But my hands down favorite song on this CD is......

"Free." The music on this song is so undeniably good it will make you call somebody and tell them about it. Okay, maybe that's just me. It's a song about realizing that a man doesn't deserve you and finally becoming free. Well, I didn't even realize that until after maybe the 10th time listening to it because the music is just that great on it. Their singing on this song is way "far out" too. They all sound absolutely great on this song. It's just some good old fashioned feel good picnic music. I could really go on and on about this, I mean I told one of my friends about 8 or 9 times that this song is just wonderful. It really is...honestly, I mean I like a lot and you will too, because its that good...I mean really...

You have just witnessed overkill.

And the other just ridiculously great song is "Love." This song is about how finding love makes them feel. You know, the butterflies and all that cutesy type stuff. It really is just a good song...to complement a really good album. Their harmonizing is lovely, Beyonce and Kelly are as strong as ever vocally, and the music is just great, and it has to be, because......

...Michelle almost ruined like three of the songs with her horrendous voice. Luckily, Beyonce and Kelly can make up for it. Now I know that sounds harsh. But honestly...its supposed to be. Wait until you hear, "Is She The Reason." You'll be sitting there, listening intently, loving it, feeling it, just drifting off into aural bliss, and then......

...WHAM!...Michelle comes in with her raspy non-fitting bridge that just messes up the whole thing. I almost spit out my red Kool-Aid when I heard her start singing solo. It was horrible. Her voice, solo, does not fit with these songs...at all. She almost ruined, "If," but was saved by the great music. On "Lose My Breath" you can't really tell because the beat drowns her out, but on "Is She The Reason", buddy, oh buddy, you can tell. I'm just saying beware is all. Just be prepared.

Overall, the album is more mid-tempo than past offerings, a la Usher's CD, and is really good the whole way through. Their voices are just unbelievably good together, and as always Beyonce's voice is just lovely. There are a few songs that aren't AS good as the others, but put them joints on anybody else's album and they are singles. So in the famous words of Missy Elliot......cop that hit.

Panama's Position: 4.5/5 Pimpslaps

Destiny's Child-Destiny Fulfilled (Columbia) Tracklisting

1. Lose My Breath
2. Soldier feat. T.I. and Lil' Wayne
3. Cater 2 U
4. T-Shirt
5. Is She The Reason
6. Girl
7. Bad Habit
8. If
9. Free
10. Through With Love
11. Love
12. Game Over (Bonus Track)

Album Review: Mase-Welcome Back (1/5 Pimpslaps)

(this review first appeared on Jackson G. Tickle's corporate website on August 20, 2004)

"I Don't Really Got That Bad of a Mouth, Do I?/F**k s**t a** b***h c**t, shooby-do-bee-bop..."-Eminem, "Who Knew", The Marshall Mathers LP, 2000

That's what I was reduced to...curse words.

Shit.

Have you ever heard something so bad it just made you curse? Like of all the words you've entered into your vocabulary over the years, it reduced you to the few words you were never supposed utter in front of your parents. Like when you hear an album or even just a song so bad that it is beyond awful...shit is downright...f**ks**ta**b***hc**t!!!!!!!

And you dont have Turret's??

That is what I was reduced to the other day. You see, I have a cousin who dabbles in the "low-priced almost authentic" trade. Basically, this cat sells bootlegs. You want it he has it. Shoot, if you don't even know you want it...he has it. What I'm saying is...I blame my cousin for my last profane laden tirade. You see, this dude sold me a CD that is beyond belief, one of the worst albums I've heard in a long time...to include later No Limit albums by the likes of Master P, Lil Romeo, and Silkk the Shocker. This dude sold me none other than...

Mase, "Welcome Back."

It made me curse.

FUCK.

For the record, I like Mase. Well I liked his ass until I listened to this piss poor excuse for an album. In the history of bad hip-hop albums this is going to have to crack the top 5. Somewhere, between Lil Kim's "Notorious K.I.M." and Goodie Mob's "World Party" and ironically, Mase's "Double Up." And I don't give a shit if you love Mase, Double Up was without a doubt pure shit. But it didn't make me curse.

Welcome Back makes me curse.

As to be fair, maybe we should break down the construction of an album and figure out what's wrong with Mase's. This should be easy.

1) Decent Beats. They don't all have to be the quintessential musical masterpiece a la Snoop Doggy Dogg "Doggy Dogg World" or Pete Rock and CL Smooth's "T.R.O.Y." They just have to be listenable enough for you not to throw the album out the window a la Lil Kim's "Notorious K.I.M."

(Sidenote: I love music. I collect CD's like some people collect air. To make an album so bad I actually threw it out the window...well, I should be allowed to shoot Lil Kim's ass for that. Fortunately it looks like somebody shot Lil Kim with a Botox Bazooka and set that joint for Destroy. I mean have you SEEN the most recent pictures. Look like she said, I want to be like Mike...Jackson that is!)

2) Quality Lyrics. You have to be able to rap somewhat. You don't even have to be good. I mean take Cash Money for instance. Baby isn't exactly gonna be winning any rewards for verse of the year. Shit, I'm not even convinced he's ever written a thing down in his life. And they sell millions. Good shit though...I mean, Back that Thang Up is a Classic...fo shizzle...

(Another sidenote: In what other profession can you become rich by rhyming -izzle with every other thing you say. It's the only profession that rewards you more for personality than actual abilities, and oh yeah, modeling, which pays you for being born. You have to love this country.)

3) Alright Delivery. Lyrics ain't shit if you have no delivery, with the possible exception of Guru from Gangstarr. At least vary that shit. Please don't leave me feeling like I'd rather watch paint dry while fucking a puma than listen to your CD. Thanks.

These are the ingredients and they should all add up to one thing: Listenability. If I'm unable to listen to your CD...it is not music...its a son of a mother bitch. And nobody likes those!

Just to get this out of the way early, there are 12 tracks on the album...of which I like two, "Gotta Survive," and "Money Comes and Goes," (which sounds like vintage Mase), and there is one track that I find listenable, "Do You Remember?" featuring Cardan. And no, its not important to EVER know who Cardan is...trust me on this one. These songs all have the ingredients necessary to be quality songs.

Now to the other 9 tracks which are just honest to goodness...SHIT. Now I'll give Mase credit for attempting to make an album that is postively on the up and up throughout. That is no easy task in today's bang bang shoot 'em up environment. I applaud his effort...but only his effort. I mean this album is straight up laffable.

For instance, the first verse of the song "The Love You Need feat. Rashad," literally had me laughing. I've NEVER heard a verse so horrible in my life. He even has a line that says, "gave you my Hancock/it wasn't legible". Now in the context of the song, THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Since this isn't old Mase talking about applying the "sausage" he is actually talking about his signature...but the girl in the song can't read it...and what does this mean or have to do with anything???? I'm not even sure Mase knows. The rest of this verse is just horrible...HORRIBLE I SAY!!!!!!!!!! And this is emblematic of the rest of the song and album...completely elementary lyrics.

They should use this song as a shining of example of what NOT to do when trying to put a song together.

Which begs the question...was Mase ever a good rapper, in terms of lyrics?? I don't ever remember actually LISTENING to what he had to say. This album forces you to do so though. Why??? Because it violates one of the cardinal rules of making an album...HIS BEATS SUCK MAJOR ASS! I'm starting to think that Mase had a ghostwriter when he was with Bad Boy b/c its hard to be as bad as he is on this album unless its just ingrained in you. Which means that Puffy's ghostwriter had a ghostwriter. Strange, huh??

Truthfully, I don't even want to talk specifically about the other songs...its just too hard to discuss them because they are that bad to me....and yes that includes "Welcome Back." I don't care if Mase is back, that song is just not good. In fact its...un-good. It is the anti-good. I don't mind postivity in songs at all. In fact I'm all for it...but see, this album suffers from much the same problem that I feel gospel rap suffers from...horrible quality, horrible lyrics, and horrible production. Just because they are praising God doesn't mean its good music.

(Another Nother Sidenote: I wonder if "Keep It On" is really going to inspire any women to keep their clothes on to have a good time. Like will it usher in a new era in videos where women are fully dressed??? Won't this put BET out of business??? And where will all these women now go to find jobs??? OH MY GOODNESS...WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO UNCUT????????????????)

It also seems that "I Luv Tyla", the tribute to his wife hasn't made the final cut. THANK GOODNESS. Talk about the absolute most ridiculously fruity song of the year...to hear Mase sing about being in love with his wife was unbearable...especially given that the NEXT SONG was about him taking a girl away from a boyfriend who wasn't any good for her with "The Love You Need" of which I think should be nominated for a Grammy for Best Comedy Recording for 2004.

***EDIT: This song actually IS on the CD. It has been renamed "I Wanna Go" though it hasn't managed to remake itself into a better song.***

This album has horrible lyrics for the most part, except in the songs that I stated I liked. His flow is the same on all the songs...which is mundane and monotonous at best. And, I can't understand for the life of me why his production is this bad. This is Mase...WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO GET ON HIS RETURN TO RAP ALBUM??? I would. The man jumped on a Kanye West song ("Jesus Walks" remix...who didn't see that one coming?), and I think he was garbage on that too, but why couldn't Kanye slip him a track or 12. I don't think he asked anybody. What's stranger...I can't believe Puffy signed off on this album without chuckling under his breath. As shrewd and effective a business man as Puffy is...he must be hoping this album will sell strictly off of name recognition.

To drive it home...I honestly think Da Band's album is better than this. (And yes this means that I actually listened to that album. But fret not, the Lord and I had a talk about this and I'm forgiven.)

You may say, in today's day and age of being taken advantage of by the big music companies...getting three tracks is good. And to that I say...that would be the case if the rest of the songs weren't SO bad. Filler tracks and Mase tracks are two different things. These Mase tracks honestly have hurt my feelings. Since the album is going to sell millions...you'll be able to judge for yourself...but when you find yourself in the middle of "My Harlem Lullabye" saying..."what is this shit???", don't say I didn't warn you. Please listen to this album in the comforts of your own home away from impressionable children who may hear your profanity laden tirades.

Because I know what happened to me...this album made me curse.

Damn.